We teach people how to treat us
Your girlfriend begs you to go out to the club with her to celebrate your new found freedom after a much-needed breakup. It actually took very little convincing. Although there was something inside you that said “Stay home,” something outside of you asked, “What are you staying home for?”
It’s a hot summer night, and you’re looking even hotter wearing the little black dress that you bought after you realized that somehow, you shed twenty-five pounds effortlessly after going through your most recent stressful relationship when Jenny Craig, a protein diet, meal-replacement shakes, gym memberships, and countless diet pills failed miserably at getting rid of them.
So you go to the club with absolutely zero expectation of meeting anyone, planning perhaps to share a drink or two with your friends and perhaps some girl talk. Then he walks over and introduces himself. You end up having the good time that you had been waiting for your ex to show you for the last seven years of your life together, but he only recognized the world of sports. Maybe he’d look at you if you screamed “Look at me!”
This guy offers to buy you a drink and is very friendly. He knows just what to say and how to say it, and he’s well built, too. Although you’ve met countless men of his demeanor, this time it’s different. Gorgeous George has a magnetism about him that, after a few drinks, makes what first appeared a dim, dreary place into a romantic oasis. Shortly afterward, it seems that all of your dreams might be coming true.
Needless to say, like so many other women you know, you have had your fair share of one-night stands, booty calls, baby daddies and deadbeat dads. But although you know all the tricks, you still look for treats. So when the club closes, like Cinderella leaving the ball, you dismiss the girlfriend that you rode to the club with. Mesmerized by this guy’s immaculate car (also known as “the chick magnet”), you proudly get in as if you just won a prize and proceed to give directions to your place—like a sheep following a shepherd to the slaughter!
Like numerous times before, your gut is talking, but your brain isn’t listening. At some point, you even think that you can make this person fall in love with you by being seductively submissive. So you allow your panties to hit the floor before the first date is over.
Last night was great. This morning he appears to be in a hurry. So, like a doctor going to deliver a baby, this once-passionate gentleman rushes out of your life without a kiss good-bye or a glance back. Almost immediately, you feel played. But how can this be possible when you were such a willing participant?
So you spend the day on the telephone with your girlfriend that you dismissed, talking about the great time that you had last night. Finally, you decide to call him and notice that your call goes straight to a voice mail system that is not set up yet. Days go by without a phone call from him, and the telephone number that he gave you apparently isn’t correct.
Concerned about his well-being and having no other contact information for him, you venture back to the killing grounds—the club where you met him—hoping to see him. And you do. There he is, looking just as charismatic as he did on the day you met, only he’s not alone, and he treats you like a stalker invading his territory.
Your stock fell when your panties hit the floor on the first date. Don’t expect this guy to see you as someone he would take home to meet his mother. You set the stage, made him the superstar, and you played the role of an extra. The Playa from the Himalaya feels that you had your one minute of fame, and he has moved on to the next audition. There is only one person that this guy allows himself to have any genuine feeling for, and he visits that person regularly—when he looks in the mirror.
Some women have decided to accommodate Playas of this type by accepting the booty call position. This simply means that when a guy like this has a bad night at the club, he calls you at some ungodly hour, and you open the door when he gets there. If something in your gut tells you that you deserve to be treated better than that, it is because you do.
These Playas don’t have to be complete losses if you take them for what they’re worth—and that is a few free drinks and some dirty dancing. They are, for the most part, immature and unable to commit.
The Playa from the Himalaya is looking for someone to complete a fantasy and bores very easily. He is a hunter by nature. Although the Playa peruses a wide variety of prey, he is fairly selective about whom he chooses to play with. His goal is to hit a home run straight out of the club and into the unsuspecting prey’s bedroom. Although he is not looking for a keeper, he considers his prey a trophy. Therefore, he often selects women who are superficial because they are more likely to believe that they are the best thing that ever happened to him and are usually starved for attention. So he makes them feel like they are the cream of the crop and waters them down real good. Yes, he has all eyes on you!
Boyfriend has no problem with leaving the club and going to your place for a sleepover. He will wait patiently for you to eat the bait that he has been feeding you and make you feel like you are the woman that he has been waiting for all his life. Once the heat is on, he will melt your heart and may even curl your toes. He is passionate and knows what to do and how to do it!
The next morning will be pretty much the same. Suddenly, he appears to be in a hurry and his conversation is now about his busy schedule and how he is going to try to get back to you tonight. Don’t wait up, girlfriend. You have just been played, but don’t get angry with him, because you were a willing participant. It is very important that you remember not to hate the Playa. Just stop playing the game.
Most Playas can be really deceptive and appear sincere. It’s really hard to trust a guy with this mentality. He may even think he likes you and offer you a position as his doormat. This is a ground-level position that requires you to be walked on and to play detective with the many different women that are somehow constantly in your life.
Although your gut will tell you that you are being lied to and deserve more, your heart will tell you that it is all in the game of love. Remember, this man can be just like a drug. You will never get a high like the first again; you will only chase it. The only hope for a healthy, steady relationship with a Playa from the Himalaya is if he decides to put away his childish ways and become a man of integrity, but that is a process. Needless to say, there is nothing you can do to change him. He must make the decision himself.
Don’t be a victim to someone who does not know who he is or what he wants. Find someone that is worth your time and your trust. If you truly enjoy being a social butterfly, fly away solo when the doors to the club close, and perhaps one day you will meet someone that is able to recognize your true beauty and will be worthy of your wings.
This is a except from my 2015 National Excellence Award Finalist Book, in the relationship category,
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