One year, two babies later, you have come to the realization that the first date never ended. How did things go from having an out of control fantasy coming true, with great sex, lies, wild private parties, to married with children? Things began to move so fast, it seemed without notice one day she left a tooth brush and a curling iron in your bathroom and the next day a moving truck was at your front door.
The following seasons of the liaison appeared to be totally different from the sizzling summer that you met. Shortly after she moved in things about her personality that were not revealed before are now beginning to fall into place. Winter, is brutal and filled with continuous brisk cold episodes of her ranting and raving endlessly about absolutely nothing understandable. Just when you think that you have had, about as much as you can take and the end is inevitable, she announces that she is pregnant. Suddenly you feel the cool sensation of someone attempting to tie a ball and chain to one of your ankles. It has now dawned on you that the storm has just started and phase three is now in effect!
Some days you can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel before it turns out to be another oncoming train. Needless to say, even the good days are nothing to write home to mom about. As you glance back over your relationship with this individual, vision of what use to be pleasurable now seem faint. Everything that you do is wrong or never good enough for her. Your life is now only lived on life’s terms when she is in agreement or the author of them. Reality and her world are two different things and no one is going to tell her otherwise.
Trust is basically nonexistent in the mind of this very self-absorbed woman who has managed to infiltrate your world. Without cause, her days are spent rummaging through your things, as if she has a warrant and is in the process of a raid. She allocates countless hours investigating and interrogating anyone that has been in your company, looking for grounds to base her next argument. Her nights consist of racing thoughts about the things that she thinks she found during the day. Your cell phone has become a stalking device that can and will be used against you at her convenience. Your cell phone also known as her tracking device must be answered at all times, in an effort to avoid an unnecessary interrogation later. Under her law you are guilty, simply because she said you are! Only because you have been brought up to believe that if you faint in the day of adversity that your strength is small, you continue to weather the storm and it is not inconspicuous by any means.
One day you arrive home to what appears to be another one of her illicit examinations of your personal possessions and without notice you are suddenly being attacked by a woman that is very irate. Although your upbringing will not permit you to counter attack, you are human and have now been placed in harm’s way. Your attempts to restrain her have only made matters worse because in her mind you are now acting aggressive and argumentative. Eventually she becomes so hostile and out of control that you decide to leave, however she shadows you, in her vehicle. Resembling something off of and action movie, she begins ramming her car into your car, in an unwavering effort to run you in your vehicle, off the road. The state of affairs is out of control and you can only envision that it is going to take an outside source to stop it! Suddenly, you see police cars coming from every direction and she is arrested on numerous charges. There are several eye witnesses that saw the incident and called the police. One of the officers asked you, if you were okay and if you would like to go to the hospital. It has suddenly dawned on you that you are a victim of a violent domestic, however you can’t or don’t want to believe it. The next day you attempt to drop the charges only to find that they were so serious that the charges could not be dropped because the state picked them up. So you bail her out of jail and for some reason you feel empathy for her. She promises that it will never happen again and begins to act like the woman that you always wanted. She apologized and explains to you how you made her do it, when she found pictures of your old girlfriends, in your belongings. With tears in her eyes she acknowledged that she has severe trust issues, as a direct result of being deceived by every man that ever promised to love her exclusively, in all of her prior relationships.
You go to work exhausted and ashamed after what has been a totally humiliating weekend. Several coworkers immediately inquire about the apparently vandalized condition of your car, so you make up a lie. Your cell phone is smashed however you are still able to use it and this does not go without being noticed by several suspicious looking co-workers, as well. You find yourself covering up your abusive relationship by saying unbelievable things, like the cat attacked you. When you leave work she is sitting outside on the parking lot and asked “why you haven’t been answering you’re obviously, severely damaged, tracking device?” Before you could answer, she asked “who was that woman that I saw you speaking with as I drove up?” One of your worst fears has come true; she is going to act out on your job!
Men are essentially inaudible on the issue when they find themselves in an abusive relationship because of the perception that men are physically stronger and should be able to subdue a female attacker easily. Those men who do report physical violence are more likely to be ridiculed–both by law enforcement and by the public–than women are. Many men suffer in abusive relationships unannounced to them because they think that abuse is only physical; however there are many forms of abuse such as, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, terrorize, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone just to name a few.